Question
May Allah reward you, Shaykh. This is the seventeenth question, and it is from Libya. The questioner states:
I have been married for approximately two years, and my wife and I are at each other’s necks; each of us has wronged the other. We rectified the situation one and a half months ago and agreed to fulfil each other’s rights accordingly. However, two days ago my wife made the mistake of hitting me. This infuriated me and almost led me to declare a divorce. Instead, I composed myself and said to her:
“You are forbidden to me, just like my mother.”
I did not know that this is considered ẓihār, which is impermissible, and I did not intend to divorce her with this statement; rather, I meant to scold and punish her. What would your advice be, may Allah preserve you, and what obligations are binding upon my wife and me?
Shaykh ʿUbayd ibn ʿAbd Allah ibn Sulaymān al-Jābirī (d. 1444 AH/2022 CE) ؒ replied:
My son, as long as she hits you, she is not suitable for you from my point of view. My advice is to divorce her honourably. I have come across some cases of women from among the common folk who have been on the receiving end of painful and severe abuse from their husbands, yet they could not bring themselves to raise their hands and hit back. That is the natural disposition of a sensible and intelligent woman who honours the man.
As for striking out as a mere reaction to anger, I say: May Allah break her arm. If I were in your position, I would not have allowed her to remain under my guardianship for even a minute. I would have given her an honourable divorce.
But if you must remain with her for other reasons, such as having children together and fearing that you may lose them (although it appears that you do not have children together), then in this case raise the issue with her family so that they discipline her, if this is her personality. If they succeed in disciplining her, and she becomes repentant and makes a firm resolution to listen to her husband and obey him in what is good, with each party fulfilling the other’s rights appropriately, there should be no reason to separate.
Nonetheless, I hold the view that any woman who lashes out at her husband, and does so regularly, should be given an honourable divorce.
References
ʿUbayd ibn ʿAbd Allah ibn Sulaymān al-Jābirī, “A Woman Struck Her Husband: What Is the Ruling?”, recorded answer.
